I am.wondering. i take guidance from the bible,quran,the lost gospels and all.the spiritual grounding i can.find. i found the kolbrin understand its context. I just want to enhance my own personal knowledge. Am i wrong in my pursuit?
I think it is never wrong to wish to enhance one’s own personal knowledge, and I commend you for your pursuit!
By the various books you mention, it seems you are on a spiritual quest. Speaking for myself personally, this is the highest knowledge, but also the most difficult and potentially dangerous to attain. It is the true hero’s quest, demanding more than mere physical trials, for the pain of the body can die and end, that of the Spirit does not… except by great effort, and penetrates deeper than any temporal blow! Yet the rewards are equally as great!
It seems you are among good company here, and you are most welcome! 
Believe me jymm44, you are in the best company, and have some of the best mentors available to you on this site. Dig deep my friend, you will find more than gold here.
All the best for your quest.
A brother.
It’s not just your pursuit, it’s our pursuit. Together we can come to a spiritual understanding of something like fear or dichotomy and have fun at the same time! I can think of nothing better than musing on etiology and even transcending that!
Welcome to the forum. I agree with the comments, there is much to find and learn here - and I’m sure yet to come. Enjoy your stay.